Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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