whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
