Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
