I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
