omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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