I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
