I heard we made out
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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