I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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