oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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