A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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