Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
there is glitter all over my balls
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize