Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
