I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
