So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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