He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
