Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
