I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
