i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
