That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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