Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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