The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
