Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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