If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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