I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
