So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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