normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
