After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
