YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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