I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
