I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
