Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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