I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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