She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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