the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
