he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
