You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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