Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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