No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
