Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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