the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
