that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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