no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
