i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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