you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're too hungover to prance.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
