If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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