"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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