I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
