What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
