She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
is it fun? or sober?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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