these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
