a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
