remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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