areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
